could you please help me revise this i wrote a preposition poem about type 2 diabetes Diabetes After meals eaten every day Upon piercing the finger With a Unilet Lancet In order to draw blood to test his glucose level Because of the inability of his beta cells To produce insulin In spite of having to inject insulin everyday For survival Despite the pain Of the two inch needle piercing into his outer right arm Besides living with a dysfunctional pancreas With the threat Of dying any minute Without a cure but lots of hope Along with seventeen million humans affected By this chronic disease Stands a victim of type two diabetes mellitus i know its real bad this is just my rough draft also most of them were a sentence but i thought i would get them wrong since it had to be prepositional phrases and any ideas on how to improve it
Homework Help - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
well try writing it in order
2 :
it's not horrible, but you could fix the beginning up a bit maybe something more like- he knows the time is nearing, his body and soul tells him, just one prick on the tip of your finger, that's all, nothing to worry about, at keast that's what the doctors say... i'm not to sure if that's what you were looking for but i hope it helped you some.
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